Of Night and Light
by adena
Summary: Bear with me on this for this is the only the 1st time for submitting on this site. This was written during a recovery period after a serious accident. This is a SJ undercurrent of feelings.


**Of Night and Light**

**Email Author: **

**Summary: Carter's takes leave after the death of Martouf, and her feelings for Jack**

**Season Four etc.**

**Spoiler: Upgrades, Divide and Conquer**

**Rating: PG one or two adult words**

**Disclaimer: Stargate SG1 and it characters belong to MGM/UA, Showtime/Viacom, SCI-FI Channel, Gekko, Double Secret Productions etc. No copy right infringements intended and if I unknowingly infringed on another's story line it was not intentional. This story is written for fan entertainment only and no money has exchanged hands. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted anywhere without the author's consent.**

**Author's Note: This was written during a recovery phase after a serious accident. I had started watching Stargate SG1 and was instantly addicted. The counter play between O"Neill and Carter was electric and this is a version that could have happened after Divide and Conquer. This is a first story that I have written so any thoughts will be appreciated. And I have to thank William Butler Yeats for the poem. Your reviews would be highly appreciated. **

**Part One**

**Carter sat in her lab needing that solitude, that disconnection from all the events that had taken place these past few days. Being dedicated to the Air Force and SG1, she had been conditioned to handle stress but at times it could become overwhelming. With a quick decision Carter went in search for Colonel O'Neill, finding him in the briefing room.**

**Sitting at the large conference table O'Neill was completing his report on the past week that involved the Tok'ra and the Tau'ri and the events prior to their mutual alliance agreement.**

"**Colonel?" **

"**Major, have a seat, just finishing the report for the general."**

**O'Neill watching as she sat, noticed stress lines around her eyes and she looked worn out. Who wouldn't be after all that had happened lately and was concerned. O'Neill couldn't allow his true emotions show, they had agreed in the interrogation room not to say anything as to what had been disclosed during their interrogation.**

**As O'Neill looked at Carter, she saw the conflict in his eyes but he quickly recovered, and was once again her CO. "Sir, considering the circumstances that recently happened, I would like to request two weeks leave effective today,"**

**Now O'Neill was really concerned, as long as he had known her, Carter had to be forced to take time off and even then in many instances she spent that in her lab doing that science thing.**

"**Major, is there anything I can help you with?"**

"**No, sir, I just need some time to myself and work out a few things. Also sir, if I may, can I use your cabin?**

**Blushing, Carter saw that quirk of a smile and a light in his eyes as he said. "Major, finally going fishin?" **

**Carter smiling, "Yeah sure. you betcha."**

"**Carter, your request for leave is approved, right at the present we have no missions slated."**

**Part 2**

**Carter went home packed and switched her mode of transportation. Riding her customize motorcycle would make the trip enjoyable and she was prepared for changes in weather. **

**Back at the SGC, Daniel and Teal'c had just found out that Carter was taking leave and were surprised. Daniel looked at the older man, with that Daniel look, "Jack, you didn't act like yourself and say something to Sam to hurt her feelings." Teal'c raised his eyebrow as if agreeing with Daniel.**

"**Come on guys, I 'm as surprised as you are, but I think she needs this leave considering what just happened. In fact, we all need time off."**

**Teal'c showing no emotion silently agreed. Major Carter and the rest of SG1 lately had endured numerous traumatic experiences. But because they were all dedicated to doing their job they had not rested between missions and it was taking its toll.**

**Daniel still looking at Jack still thought he had said something to Sam to hurt her but had to agree. Daniel did feel tire, especially after watching Sam having to kill Martouf with the zat gun in order to preserve his body for further Tok'ra research in zatarc programming.**

**Sam arrived at Cheyenne Mountain, and after proper identification, requested the security police to notify the colonel that she was at the entrance. After arriving to the surface from deep within the mountain, O'Neill walked over to where Carter is waiting and hands her the keys and directions to his cabin. "Carter, the route that I drew is different than the one normally taken, you should enjoy the views. Also, I notified the caretaker to clean and stock the place. I hope you enjoy your stay and if you have any problems you have my numbers."**

**All of sudden shy, Carter couldn't look at him. "Thank you colonel for all of your kindness," and not trusting herself, she said no more. At that time Teal'c and Daniel arrived to where they were and Carter saw the sadness.**

**The emotion that she felt for each of them, more so for O'Neill, was at the breaking point. **

**Daniel watching Sam "Are you sure you are okay?" He was feeling an emptiness that he hadn't felt in a long time. For all of them had spent so much time and had experienced so much together that the bond between each of them was unbreakable. And Sam was like a sister who made sure that he took care of himself.**

**So many years of combat had conditioned Teal'c from showing emotions but he could not hide them from Major Carter. "Major Carter you will be alright!!!!"**

**Looking at all of them, ever so special in each of their uniqueness, Carter's military reserve almost snapped. "Damn it Carter get a hold of yourself don't show your weakness." With that thought she just smiled. "Colonel, Teal'c, Daniel I'll see you in two weeks." The sound of motorcycle changing gears echoed of the mountain leaving three lone figures in the shadows.**

**Part 3**

**As the hours passed Carter began to relax enjoying the ride and the freedom that a motorcycle allowed. The map the colonel had drawn took her through beautiful landscapes, different shades of color, different textures and temperature changes. Life felt good again. **

**Carter made the turn from the main highway onto the road that led to the cabin. It was really more of a pathway than a road but the scenery was breathtaking. Trees that had to be hundreds of years old reached for the sky, plants different shades of green with splashes of red and yellow. Arriving at the cabin just after dusk, Carter noticed that the caretaker had left a light on the outside and inside and she could hear the colonel telling him, "Make sure you leave a light on, I don't want Carter to walk into a darken cabin." Looking up in the changing sky, Carter gave a silent "Thank you, Jack."**

**Removing what little gear and supplies that she had bought from the bike, Carter stepped into the living room of the cabin, nothing really fancy, homey and the furniture looked worn and comfortable. The fireplace was beautiful made from smooth river stone that reached all the way to the ceiling. Logs were already placed and ready to be lit. After lighting the fire, Carter went into the kitchen and looked into the refrigerator she couldn't help but laugh there sat blue jello and diet drinks on the shelves. After storing the rest of her gear in one of the bedrooms Carter went and sat in front of the fireplace. The fire was warm, the couch was comfortable and before long she fell asleep. Time passed and the dream began images of red, weapons fired, light shining, you're a zatarc, the colonel's a zartarc, feelings strong deep feelings, for someone, who? Martouf in her arms dead. Crying, who's crying? **

**Oh God!!!! I'm the one that had to kill him. Carter woke up, her clothes were soaked with sweat and she felt liked she had died in that dream. The fire had died and the room was chilled and Carter went to take a shower to erase the memories of the night. By the time she was through the night had turned to dawn.**

**As the days passed Carter had explored the entire surrounding area and even tried fishing something she hadn't done in a long time. The time she spent at the cabin allowed her to heal and rest. She read books and wrote in her lap top about worm hole physics. The nights were getting better because she had to face the truth and whatever decisions made whether right or wrong she had to live with those choices. Carter chose her career and accepted the responsibilities that came along with that career and she loved her job. When she had to shoot Martouf, he had wanted her to be the one because of symbiotic relationship of Jonalar and Lantash and his death would allow others to live. Sometimes the truth of oneself is the most difficult to face and Carter had to face the truth about how she felt about Jack and what he admitted during the second interrogation with the Tok'ra lie detector device. The first indications showed that they were zatarc's (programmed assassins) but during a second interview they both admitted to caring more than they should. Carter knew that she felt to the very core of her life that she would always love him but she would not cross that line for she also respected him and the Air Force to destroy both of their careers. Whatever the future holds she would accept what took place. And with that there was one thing she had to do.**

**Part 5**

**O'Neill was at home enjoying the evening and as always he had his personal laptop with him when there was a beep indicating an email. It was an email from Carter that simply stated there comes a time even in the military that one can be personal without crossing the line. Jack I will ever be indebted for your kindness, your wisdom in knowing as to what was bothering me and helping in the only way that was allowable. So I'm sending a poem that was written by William Butler Yeats that says all.**

**Had I the heavens' embroided cloths**

**Enwrought with golden and silver lights, **

**The blue and the dim and the dark cloths**

**Of night and light and the half light **

**I would spread the cloths under your feet**

**But I, being poor have only my dreams; **

**I have spread my dreams under your feet;**

**Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.**

**O'Neill sat there with a whimsical look on his face. She knows poetry, Carter knows poetry. He realized that there were many things that he didn't know about his 21C. Maybe one day.**

**O'Neill sent an email back to Carter, "Thanks Sam, see you when you come back."**

**Fin**


End file.
